Ladke Wale:
Ye KYa Batmiji Hai Aapki Ladki Ko Shram Nahi Aati
Undrgrment Me Hi Aa Gai
Ladki wale:
Aap Ne Hi To Kaha Tha Ki Ladki Hume Sirf 2 Kapdo Me ChahiYe.

2 TEARS wer flowin down a river.
1asked:who r u?
It said i'm d tear of a guy who nvr xpresd its luv.nd u?
I'm d tear of d girl who was waitin 4 it...

Teacher - 'Maine Tumhe Kutte Par Essay Likhne Keliye Kaha tha Tumne Likha Kyu Nahi.?'.

SARDAR-'Madam.... Jaise hi Maine Kutte Par Pencil Rakhi Woh Bhag Gaya..!!'

*1 dog road pr ulta pada tha toh log use worship karne lage. Kyu?
Kyuki DOG ka ulta is GOD

*Mare hue insan ke mooh me kya daloge?
Birla plus cement, kyuki "IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"

*Wat is the cube of 13?
Suroor,bcz
TERA*TERA*TERA=SUROOR

*Wat did d mothr kangaroo say wen she found her baby missin?
"Aila,meri pocket kisne maari"

*Wat wud u cal a gal who never laughs?
HASI-NA

*Why a heartbroken person doesnt need general knwldge?
Kyunki jb dil hi toot gaya toh "GK" kya karenge

*Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye toh rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL''

Santa jalebi bech raha tha,
magar kah raha tha- "aalu le lo...aalu le lo"...
banta bola:ye to jalebi hai...
santa:chup ho jao,abhi makkhiya aa jaegi.

Tum kya jano bewakuf dost kya hote he?
tum kya jano pagal dost kya hote he?
Qki tumhe to intelligent dost mile he ..
kismt to sali hmari futi he.

Besharam Ladki ne ghar se bhag k shaadi ki.

5 din baad wo rote hue wapis i.

Baap: Aab q i ho?

Ladki: Papa wo BMW ka driver nikla.
N95 b China wala tha.

Santa ki shadi k 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.

Santa: Ye 3 mahine me bacha kaise ho gaya??

Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai?

Santa: 3 mahine.

Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko?

Santa: 3 mahine.

Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua?

Santa: 3 mahine baad.

Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?

Santa: Oh! yaar vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye! time da pata hi nahi lageya!!:P

Biwi ko apni Palkon pe bitha lo,
De ke Khushi uske sare Gam chura lo,
Pyar aisa karo ke Sab dekhte reh jayen,
Padosan bhi aake kahe 'Mujhe bhi apni Biwi banaa lo.

1 sardar ko exam me koi sawal nahi ata tha to sardar ne hr swal ke neche, " llllllllllllllllll " Lines laga di or likha- "scratch kr k answer padh lo..."

Hum karte hai dua Rab se,
ki woh aap jaisa Dost aur na banaye.
Ek hi to Pyara sa Cartoon hai hamare paas,
Wo bhi kahi common na ho jaaye..

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
.
.
.
.
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Best punishmnt 2 a boy:
Gv him a mobile phone,
wid lots of balance n
girls phone no.'s n
leave him at a place where there is no network.

a for apple
b for banana


wah!wah!


a for apple
b for banana


wah wah..!!




kuch b ho jaye daya goli mat chalana :)

Ye haseen vadiya.....aur ye khula aakash......


Ye haseen vadiya .....aur ye khula aakash....


Oh my god DAYA Ek aur laash

A single spelling mistake dat caused divorce.A man went 2 GOA & sent msg 2 his wife- Having d most amazing & wonderful tme,i wish u were HER.

Gabbar:ye hath mujhe dede thakur !!
Frustrated Thakur: lele mere hath b lele, Kalia k b lele, Basanti k b lele,Jay or Veeru k b lele or DURGA MATA banja Saale!

santa kadhi chawal kha raha tha.
ek makkhi usper baithne ki koshish kar rahi thi...
santa- hat hat ye wo nahi hai jo tu samajh rahi hai..

Sardar & wife waiting for train @ station.
Sudnly 1 train came named PUNJAB MAIL.
Srdr runs & jumps in2 train & shoutd to wife-
"jab PUNJAB-FEMALE aye to tu ajana !

Scientists have found water and ice on the moon......

.

.

.

.

.

Toh dosto, hume sirf whisky le jani hogi Cheers!

============

Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai

Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.

==============

1 Man jumped in2 sea & nvr came out
Nxt day 2nd man jumped in2 sea n nvr cameout

Banta Singh aftr watching diz concluded

.

.

.


MAN IS SOLUBLE IN WATER!

============

Desi Boy: "Mere 4 Bhai & 6 Behne Hain, Aap K Kitne Hain?

American Boy:
"Mere Bhai, Behen Nahi,
Par Pehli Mom Se 4 Papa Aur Pehle Papa Se 6 Mom Hain"

============

Santa - Bachpan me maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
JUDGE - Kya kehti thi maa?

Santa - Jab baat hi nahi suni toh kaise bataun kya kehti thi.

===============

Boy : Janeman! tute hue dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.

Girl : Harmkhor! tuti hui chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.

============

A birds shits on Santa Singh, Santa shouts angrily.... "Chadi nahi pehanta kya?"

The bird shouts back... "Tu chaddi me karta kya?"
==============
Crazy PJ

Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick

Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick

SO WHAT

Chutki me chipkaye FEVIWIK

===============

Biwi (gusse me): tumare dimag to sirf gobar bhara hai.

Pati (pyar se): To fir itni der se Kyu kha rahi ho.

=================

The power of Dhobi

Dhobi is the only 1 person in the wold who can say...

Bhabi kapde nikal k rakhna, abhi aa ke leta hu...

=================

Kashmir ke angoor khatte hote
hai hamari shayari sunnewale
ullu ke patthe hote hai

संता-बंता की खूब पिटाई हुई। दोनों किसी के जन्मदिन पार्टी में मुफ्त का खाना खाते हुए पकड़े गये थे,
कहने लगे- हम लड़की वालों की तरफ से हैं..

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अध्यापक (चिंटू से)- 3 जमा 5?
चिंटू- 8
अध्यापक- 7 जमा 3?
चिंटू- 10
अध्यापक- 8 जमा 8?
चिंटू- पता नही सर मेरे पास सिर्फ 10 ही उंगली है।

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डॉक्टर- ये मर चुका है..
तभी मरीज बोल पड़ा- मैं जिंदा हूं..!
मरीज की पत्नी- तुम चुप रहो जी, हमेशा अपनी चलाते हो, इतना बड़ा डॉक्टर क्या झूठ बोलेगा?

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रमा (राजू से)-तुम हफ्ते में कितनी बार शेव करते हो।
राजू (रमा से)- हफ्ते में नही, दिन में 30-40 बार।
रमा- क्या.. तुम पागल हो?
राजू- नही, मैं नाई हूं।

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चिंटू- पापा आप प्रेस क्यों कर रहे हो।
पापा- प्रेस करने से सलवटें निकल जाती हैं।
चिंटू- फिर तो अच्छा है पापा मैं दादाजी के गाल की भी सलवटें निकाल दूंगा।

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एक भिखारी की लॉटरी लगी तो वो एक मंदिर बनवाता है।
दूसरा भिखारी- यार तू मंदिर क्यों बनवा रहा है।
भिखारी- क्योंकि इसके सामने मैं अकेला भीख मांगूंगा।

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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डाक्टर साहब, ये फूलों की माला किस लिए है?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- यह मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए नहीं तो, तुम्हारे लिए।

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राजू अपनी मां से स्कूल ना जाने की जिद कर रहा था। मां उसे समझाते हुए बोली-
बेटे स्कूल जाओगे तो बड़ा आदमी बनोगे। तुम्हारे पास बहुत पैसे होंगे, कार होगा।
राजू मां की बात मान कर स्कूल चला गया।
क्लास में टीचर ने पूछा- बच्चों बताओ, किताबें कहां मिलती हैं?
एक बच्चा- बुक स्टोर में।
टीचर- कार कहां मिलती है?
राजू- स्कूल में।

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पुलिस हाई अलर्ट के टाइम शर्मा जी के घर तलाशी लेने गयी।
पुलिस- खबर है कि आपके घर में विस्फोटक सामग्री है।
शर्मा जी- सर वो मायके गयी हुई है।

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संता (बंता से)- मेरे दादा ने 1947 की जंग में दुश्मन की टांग काट दी थी।
बंता (संता से)- गर्दन क्यों नही काटी..
संता- वो पहले से ही कटी पड़ी थी।

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डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- दवाई हिलाकर पिया करें।
मरीज- डॉक्टर साहब बड़ी परेशानी होती है दवाई हिलाने से चम्मच से गिर जाती है फिर जमीन से चाटनी पड़ती है।

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पति भागा-भागा होटल मैनेजर के पास गया, जल्दी चलो! मेरी बीवी खिड़की से कूदकर जान देना चाहती है।
होटल मैनेजर- तो इसमें मैं क्या करूं?
पति- खिड़की नही खुल रही है।

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एक पठान बिना छीले केला खा रहा था, किसी ने उसे कहा- इसे छील तो लो।
पठान - छीलने की क्या जरुरत है हमें मालूम है इसमें केला है।

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पति (पत्नी से)- डार्लिग! यह सच है न कि एक बार देखा हुआ चेहरा तुम कभी नहीं भूलतीं?
पत्नी (पति से)- हां बिलकुल, मैं कभी नहीं भूलती, मगर यह तुम पूछ क्यों रहे हो?
पति- वो दरअसल क्या है कि तुम्हारे ड्रेसिंग टेबल का महंगा आईना अभी-अभी मुझसे टूट गया है और नए आईने का जुगाड़ होने तक तुम्हें अपनी याद्दाश्त से कम चलाना पडे़गा।

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संता (बंता से)- मेरी बकरी ने अंडा दिया है।
बंता (संता से)- बकरी कैसे अंडा दे सकती है।
संता- अबे गधे मैंने अपनी मुर्गी का नाम बकरी रखा है।

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डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- कमजोरी है फल खाया करो छिलके सहित।
एक घंटे बाद..
मरीज- डॉक्टर साहब मेरा पेट दर्द हो रहा है।
डॉक्टर- क्या खाया था?
मरीज- नारियल छिलके सहित।

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एक भारतीय युवक ने चाइनीज लड़की से शादी की।
एक साल बाद ही वो मर गयी उसे रोता देख उसका दोस्त बोला-
"यार दुख की बात तो है, पर सोच चाइना का माल और कितना चलेगा।"

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डॉक्टर मरीज के पीछे भाग रहा था।
एक आदमी ने पूछा क्या हुआ?
डॉक्टर- 4 बार ऐसा ही हुआ है ये आदमी ब्रेन का ऑपरेशन करवाने आता है और बाल कटवाकर भाग जाता है।

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पति (पत्नी से)- विद्वानों ने कहा है कि मूर्खो की बीवी बहुत सुंदर होती है।
पत्नी (पति से)- आपके पास तो हमारी तारीफ करने के सिवा कोई काम ही नही है।

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अध्यापिका (चिंटू से)- तुम में कुछ कमियां है।
चिंटू अगले दिन कोट पैंट पहनकर आता है।
अध्यापिका- ये क्या है?
चिंटू- रेमण्ड, द कम्पलीट मैन.

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बॉस ने एक मेहनती कर्मचारी को बुलाकर कहा- ये लो 5000 रुपये का चेक,
अगर इसी तरह मेहनत से काम करते रहोगे तो साइन भी कर दूंगा।

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बंता (संता से)- मेरी टी शर्ट उल्टी करके प्रेस कर देना।
एक दिन बाद...
बंता- मेरी टी शर्ट प्रेस हो गयी?
संता- यार प्रेस कैसे करता, कोशिश तो बहुत की लेकिन उल्टी आ ही नही रही है।

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मां- बेटा तुम अपने बाल क्यों नही कटवाते?
बेटा- क्यों मां?
मां- बेटा लोग रिश्ते के लिए तुम्हारी बहन को देखने आते हैं और पसंद तुम्हें कर जाते हैं।

Aaj mera Interview tha MUJHSE puchha gaya:- Duniya me aisa kon hai jo kabhi nahi nahaata? Khuda ki kasam, Nokri thukra di, magar aapka naam nahi liya.

TEACHER: Bhartiyo batao India ka Flag Sab se pehale Kaha lehrya
gaya tha?

SMART SANTA
(bhaut der sochne k bhad bola): Hawa me !!

So silly was Newton..!!Ek apple ko girte hue deka to gravity ki khoj kar li....25 sal se potty kr rha tha.Wo kya upr ja rahi thi????

1 Ladki thi Diwani c.
sigrate piya krti T.
Chori2 chupke2 tambakhu ghisa krti T.
Sarma k balkha k daru piya krti T.
Jab b milti mujhse pucha krti..? goldflake he kya!

Hila Darling Hila

Zor se Hila

Hila Dil se Hila

Pakad Pakad k Hila

Bas Hilati Ja

Jitna Hilayegi

Utna Maza Ayega
Varna

HALWA Jal Jayga!

Laloo was Standing at a bus Stop, Rakhi Sawant passes by & says: Dhoop me Kyun Khada hai.?


Laloo :Kamaal hai," Sasuri.. Dhoti ke Andar bhi Dekh Leti hai.

Name- KHATRI THE KING.

HOBBY- playing with LIONS AND TIGERS.

My RECORD - fought with elephant and broke its neck, jumped over a giraffe in a high jump competition.

Greatest ACHIEVEMENT- skating in volcano(1996).

SILLY THINGS DONE- swimming in Tsunami.

MOST EMBRASSING MOMENT- couldn't kill 40 tigers in 1 punch.

PROUDEST MOMENT- when d biggest COBRA died after biting me.

So be proud & happy that i m ur friend.

1 sardar blue Film dekh raha tha, achanak apni biwi ko usme dekh kar choka, gussa hua, Baad me hass pada, bola - yeh to film hai, koi real life thodi hai..

Friends wo hote he, jo marne ke bad NARAK me milte hai aur waha par b kehte he...? ..?... ..?... YAAR YAMRAj KI BETI TOH ITEM HAI"......

Wife-aaj nhi dalwaungi.

husband - Q?

Wife-tum kal daal k so gae,or main sari raat tdpti rhi,pani b niklta raha,lal b pad gai...

husband- Mujhe Lgta hai ye "EYE DROP" sahi nahi hai.

Mashuka k na ane se mashuk aisa bhadka...
Mashuka k na ane se mashuk aisa bhadaka...
jaise degi mirch ka tadka,ang ang fadka...

Sardar, dukan par recharge karwane gaya aur pucha- Rs.10 mein kitna balance Aayega?

Dukandar-ji 7 rupaye.

Sardar - toh yuh kar, baki 3 rupaye ki namkeen de-de.

Sardar Building k niche khade hoker peshab kar raha tha.


upar se ek ladki ne chillaker kaha ke - dikhta nahi hai?

Sardar bola - thoda idhar-udhar se dekho dikh jayega.

Pj!-
Machhar
Kate Apko

To Mat Hona
Hairan.
Wah! Wah!
Machhar
Kate Apko

To Mat Hona
Hairan.

Anjane Me
Hi Sahi,

Aap
Kar Rahe Hain
Rakt-Daan.

Hehehe

Bhikari-khana dedo


Admi-tamater khao


Bhikari-Roti de do


Admi-Tamater khao


Bhikari-chalo tamatar hi de do.

Aadmi ki wife boli - ye totle hai, bol rahe hai ki "kamakar khao".

Ek aurat Kabr par raat 10 baje bethi thi.

Wahaan se ek dusri aurat ne ye sab dekha toh pahli aurat se pucha :

Dusri aurat : "kabr par bethke tujhe darr nahi lagta?".

Pahli aurat : "Darrne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi lag rahi thi isliye bahar bethi hun"

Mujhe jala dena ya dafna dena.

jab mar jau 1 ghut wisky mere hoto par laga dena.

main tajmahal to nahi mangta yaro.

bas meri kabr par 1 girls hostel khulwa dena

Ram Ne Sita Se Shadi Ki
Ravan Ne Kidnap Kiya
Hanuman Ne Sita Ka Pata Lagaya.
Ab Batao Vaastav Me Hero Kaun?

?


?


Abe dimag mat laga SANJAY DUTT

Hanuman 2 Sita: mere naal chalo, mainu RAMJI ne bheja si.

Sita: main paraye mard naal nahin jandi.
Hanuman: jide naal aayi si, o tera fufa lagda si.

Santa galti se samundar me gir gaya...
Doobte doobte uske hath me machli mili....
use pakad kar bahar pheka aur bola Ja tu toh apni jan bacha le..!

"Enjoy ur journey -A warm xperience & motherly treatment..

Warm bcoz d AC is nt working & motherly bcz air hostess r abv 50.

Wife bought a new transparent dress, wore it in front of husband.
Husband : Isme tum badi sexy lag rahi ho.

Wife : Hmm.. pata hai, Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha.

Hindu 2 wife- priye suryoday ho gayi jago.

Muslim-Begam chand dhal gaya jago.

Christian-darling its dawn,get up.

Punjabi- sohnyo utho tatti shatti ni jana ?

Y is a Lecturer greater as compared to a mother?
B'coz a mother can put only 1 child to sleep, but a lecturer can put the whole class to sleep !

When we do a task, we've to cross 3 stages.
1. Insult
2. Opposition
3. Acceptance
Fools stop at d 1st.
Losers stop at d 2nd.
Winners cross d 3rd.

""Only a Man knows a Man's Nature"". . . .

Customer: I need a Ladies suit. .

Shopkeeper: Wife ke liye chahiye ya koi achha sa Dikhaoon ??;-)

Hathi swiming pool me gira to sab chitiya bahr nikal gai
1 chiti hathi ki pith par chad gai
dusri boli-"Duba Saale Ko Duba"
Ladkion ko chedta h.:-)

Arz kia hai...

Aap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khun,
Aap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khun,
Gud Afternoon, Gud Afternoon!

1 more:

Tere Pyar Mein Pagal Ho Gya Peter,
Tere Pyar Mein Pagal Ho Gya Peter,
Ab Hero Honda Splendor 80km Prati Litre...

Take dis 1 :

Bahar Ane Se Pehle Fiza Aa Gayi,
Bahar Ane Se Pehle Fiza Aa Gayi,
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gyi...

2010 special, dont cry:

AAtma Chod Gyi Shareer Purana,
AAtma Chod Gyi Shareer Purana,
Didi Tera Devar Deewana...

1 Last:

Yashomati Maiya se bole Nandlala,
Yashomati Maiya se bole Nandlala,
"Maa, TATA SKY Laga Dala toh Life Jhingalala"..

GABBAR-Macharo ko mardo.
sambha-thik hai
gabbar-are machar fir bhinbhina rahe hai mare nahi.
sambha-mar diye hai ye to unki vidhwaye hai jo bilap kar rhi hai.

Tiger 1411 hain India mein. ladke or ladki ka ratio.. 1000:824 plzz SAVE GIRLS. Tiger Bacha k kya karoge..Sherni toh patney se rahi...:-)

Srdi ki Rat Pti-Ptni kambal me so rhe the Ptni ne kha- Muje Pyas Lgi H Pti utha pani laya aur use pani pila diya !

Moral: Har Pati-Patni Wala Msg Ganda Nahi Hota

Sardar to doctor:Me susu subah 6 baje karta hu or PottY 7 baje karta hu.

Doctor:To es me problem kYa hai ?

sardar:Oo ji meri aankh 8 baje khulti hai"

Boss sante nu-grahak nu kdi khali na jan deo,J kuj nai hai ta kuj hor offer kardo.

Costmer-toilet paper deyo.
Santa-toilet paper ta hai ni tusi regmar lejo....

Crazy Humans
"we work for making better tomorrow,
But when tomorrow comes,
Instead of enjoying it,
Again we start thinking for Better tomorrow"

MOST POPULAR SHAYARI-

BAKRI O BAKRI TERI KYA SHAAN HAI......

PUCH KE NICHE "HINGOLI" KI DUKAN HAI:-

Vo bhi kya din the jab hum jate the school..





Vo bhi kya din the jab hum jate the school..





Dekhna na bhuliye star plus pe SASURAL GENDA PHOOL:-

Robbery pj:

Takdir me jo he vahi milega..

Wah wah..

Takdir me jo he vahi milega,


Hands up....
koi apni jagah se nahi hilega ;-)

TumSa koi Pyara koi Masoom Nahi Hai




(\./)
/.".) "^-----;";_
\,,/"( , , ) ;
/ \ / \


Kya Cheez ho tum Khud Tumhe Maloom Nahi Hai.

Technology has its limitations. Google may be the most powerful search engine but it cant search my chappal I lost in Mandir on friday! Kya faeyda GOOGLE Ka?

Punjab Police ka jawab nahi...
Ek Sardar talaab me naha raha tha.

Police wala: "Chal Oye., Bahar aakar kapde paehen,teri talashi leni hai...".

Ek, 99 sal ka buddha markar swarg pahucha.
Wahaan apsarao ka naach dekhkar bola-sala ramdev baba k chakkar me pad gaya nahi to 3O sal pahle yaha aa jata.

Ek operation ke baad patient bola:''doctor sahab Kya ab main aap logo se mukt hu?''.

Jawab mila - Beta doctor to neeche reh gye, main to chitragupt hu...

Lets check it out indians we already knew the taste of sania.

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?

Hus: Makkhiyan mar raha hu

W: Kitni Mari?

H: 3Male &2Female

W: Kaise pata chala?

H: 3 Daru ki Botle se Chipki hui thi or 2 Phone se.

A Man to his Wife..very sweetly: Darling r u free tonight?

Wife: saale.. Free ke bache.. Aaj se pehle kabhi paise liye hain tere se :-)

If Columbus had a GF, he might have never discovered America coz...
GF: Where r u going? With whom? How r u going? To discover what? Why only u? What should I do wen u r gone? Can i cum wid u? Wen wil u b back? Whr wil u stay? U'll miss me na?

COLUMBUS: Le meri maa, nahi jata!

Sabzi wale ki shadi hui,suhag raat ko biwi pe pani chhidakne laga.

Wife:ye kya kar rahe ho?

sabji wala bola - maal taja kar raha hun..!

I was in12th
She was in 12th

I got B.Tech
She got BCA

I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA

I was preparing 4 M.TECH enterance
She got maried

I m doing M.TECH
Shes mother of 2 children

I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st std,

I becme DOCTRATE
Hr daughtr passd 10th,

I hav joined job.
Hr daughtr joined college.

The greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGEMENT
& Her daughtr is my FIANCEE

agle janam Comerce hi luga...
"JIYO COMERCE JIYO"

Ek Electric Tar ko doosre Electric Tar se pyar ho jata hai,to aap is pyar ka kya naam denge...?

Socho Socho...?

Pata nahi Arey


"CURRENT AFFAIR.."

Wht happens after a lion roars???
?
?
?
Take a guess
?
?
!
!
!
?
Think....
?
?
?
?
Tom & jerry cartoon starts...!!!..

Teacher: ek Amrud k ped par 10 aam hai, usme se 5 chiku maine nikal liye to ped par kitni mosambi bachegi??

Stdnt: 10 HATHI

Sir: wah tune barabar kaise pehchana?

Stu: Kyuki aaj mai tiffin mein methi ki sabji laya hun..

moral: Roz brush karo warna ghar mein chuhe aate hain...

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

Mountain Dew's New Advertisement:- Come Lets Do Something Dangerous. Lets KISS GIRLFRIEND IN FRONT OF WIFE.Darr Sabko Lagta Hai, Par Darr Ke Aage Jeet Hai.

BOY-Thumare 12th mein kitney percentage the?

GIRL-97%

BOY- Baap re..!! Itney mein toh kisi gareeb ke do bacchey pass ho jate.

Suwar ke bachhe!
Ullu ke patthe!
Kutte ke pille!
Gadhe ki aulaad!
Bhains ke bachhde!
Bakri ke memney?
Sab kitne chhote-chhote, pyare-pyare hote hain.

Lux se nha kr kya krna hai, 2012 mein sbko mrna hai.

3saal khushi se ji lo yaro, kyuki agle janam me phir Johnson Baby soap se hi shuru krna hai...:-)

Duniya me kitni bhi language boli jaye tarrki hindi ki hogi,

america ya russia bhale hi chand per pahle jaye, waha pahli dukan sindhi ki hi hogi.

Duniya me Aaj Kal achhe insan ki talash mein mat nikalna. .......Kyuki................



Ajkl dhoop bhut hai aur Main ghAr me hi Rehta hu.

Professor, ladkiyon se- "Kissing khatarnaak hai. Har kiss mein ladka ladki ko 40000 kitaano deta hai! Phir kya karoge?"


Ladki-Toh hum turant unhe waapis karenge!

1 bar exam me ques aya- "HIPS par essay likho".

To santa apni pant kholkar hips dekh raha tha,

tabhi ek bacha bola - "mam santa ne Guide khol rakhi hai, Cheating kar raha hai".

Sardar phone par: sasurji aapki beti mujhe pappi nahi lene deti hai.

Sasur : Beta ye to apne apne naseeb ki baat hai, yahan par to mohalle ka her
9jawan aur bachha-bachha uski pappi leta tha.

Bipasha ko ladka hua kala...!

John ne kaha- tu gori mai gora ladka kaise KALA?


Bipasha replied- tu HOT mai HOT isliye ladka jal gaya SALA.

Agar Gandhi Ji Ke Time Me 'AIDS' Hota To Kya Hota?


GUEss


GueSs?



Ek Aur Bandar Niche Haath Laga Ke Betha Hota Aur Kehta..."BURA MAT KARO...

Teacher: Hath me kitni ungli Hoti h?


BoYs: 6



GIRLs: 4,





Teacher: Tum Logo ko kitni bar kaha hai ki Chaddi me Hath Dal ke Mat Gina karo....

SARDAR-Is mirror ki kya guarntee hai..?
SINDHI SHOPKEEPER-99%.
SARDAR-kaise?
SINDHI SHOPKEEPER-Ise aap 100 floor se niche giraoge, 99 floor tak nahi tutega..
SARDAR-Wow, pack kar do...!

Read each word reversely:

A SUOMAF ROTCOD DLOT EM TAHT YLNO LATNEM STNEITAP EVAH EHT TNELAT OT DAER SMS NEVENEHW STI NETTIRW YLESREVER.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April,when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said -"April fool.I have pass".

Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.

1Admi ko Machhar ne Din me kata,Admi bola"Arre tum to Raat ko aate ho?"

Machhar bola"MARCH"ending hai,Target pura nahi huaover time kar raha hu.

april 1 is called as FOOL'S day after steve april.steve april was born on 1st april 1579.he did 105business in his life time.he lost all his father's assets. Everyone started calling him as father of the fools. At the age of 19 he married a 61 aged woman. She divorced him after a year coz of his foolishness. He used 2 hear all kinda fake stories like u. Its a great idea to make u fool APRIL FOOL to you.

Theatre me 1 nari pradhan film chal rahi thi.

Tabhi 1Ladki josh me khadi ho k boli- 'Aaj nari khadi ho jaye to kya nai kar sakti..?
Piche se awaz ai-"susu.

U R the one who is CHARMING U R the one who is INTELLIGENT U R the one who is CUTE and I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS. :)

Banta:duniya mein sabse dukhi admi kaun hai?
Santa:Bechare rickshaw wale!
Banta:kaise?
Santa:kyunki ladki kuwari ho ya married "BHAIYA" hi bulati hai...

Teacher: shadi kya hai?


Student: kunwaro ke liye "alpenlibe" jee lalchaye rha na jaye..
or shadishuda ke liye "chlormint" dubara mat puchna...:-:-)

Breaking News


Adnan Sami Apni Building K 10th Floor S Neeche Gir Gaya.... . . . Aur.... . . .

Tappa Kha K Waapas Upar Chala Gaya....!!

Dehaati aurat cheque cash karwane bank gayi.

Clerk-yahan sign karo!

Aurat-kaise?

clerk-jaise khat k akhir me likhti ho!

she wrote -AAP Ke kallu KI AMMA..

Santa: Bhai Jaldi Jaao tumhare Ghar Mein Barsat ka Pani Ghus Gaya hai.
Banta: Kyun Jhooth Bolte Ho, Gahr Ki Chabbi to mere Pass Hai..

Grammar Teacher-"TOTE NE MAINA KO KISS KIYA" iska Future tens banao?

Ek Student-Sir ab TOTA MAINA ko Pregnant karke hi manega..

SANTA TO ALI - tum log namaz ke waqt haath upar kyo karte ho ?

ALI -khuda se do waqt ki roti mangte hain.

SANTA -to fir g@#d upar karke kya sabji dalwate ho.

VIRUS: Aisa kaunsa kaam hai jo 10 ladke ek saath kar sakte hai par 10 ladkiyan ek saath kabhi nahi..?


ChaturLINGHAM- 'Sir ek he balti mein ek sath Mutra ViSarJan..!;-)

Hubby:Tum Meri Kis Cheez Se Sabse Jyada Impress Ho.Life Style,Car,Bank Balance?

Biwi: Tumhare Sex Se,Tumhare Jesa Sex pure Mohalle Me Kisi Ko Nahi Aata.

Santa falls in luv with a girl..
Banta: abe tune is ladki me kya dekha?
Santa: uski ek aankh itni khubsurat thi k uski dusri aankh b usi ko dekh rhi thi...

Men : Sardarji apke pas mobile hai to phir apne LETTER kyu bheja?

Sardar : Oye maine tuje phone kiya tha par andar se Koi bola.
"PLZ TRY LETTER".

Dnt tke life too seriously & always find tme to laugh,warna..log bolenge ghor kalyug hai..aajkal cartoon b nahi haste..so keep laughing:)

RECHARGE SUCCESSFUL on 03-04-2010 at 01:00PM.Talktime Rs 0.10.MRP Rs 16.00.TransID 1792403641.Unlimited STD & Local SMS(500/day)-Rs63. Please don't send sms on sardar. they are human beings too.

Attitude matters:

Teeth said 2 tongue :if i jst press u little u'll get cut..tongue replied if i use 1 word agnst sm1 then all 32 of u'll come out.

Lips jab lips se milte hai to kya hota hai...?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Hamesha galat soch ti ho.
Muh band ho jata hai aur kya...?

Sometimes I feel, What I earned in Life.
Money? No.
Name? No.
Fame? No.
But I earned The Most Precious Thing.!...Friends..!
Aur Woh Bhi "Ek Se Ek Kaminey".;-)

Bhagwan ne apki unglion ke bich itna gap kyun diya hai ?



socho ?



taki tumahari jindgi me koi aaye,
tumhara hath pakde or kahe,


?


?


?


"le BIDI Pele

"What is Swarg?

American salary,
British house,
Chinese food & Indian wife..

What is Nark?

American wife,
British food,
Chinese house & Indian salary..

Suhag raat ke baad subah husband ne romantic andaz mein wife se poocha -raat kaisa lagi?

Biwi sharmate hue boli - Aap ne to college ki yaade taza kardi.

Santa driving a car fast.Police caught him.
Santa:sir, I m learning driving.
Police: without instructor?
Santa: ya, its correspondence course !

Sardar ko Sapne me kisi ladki ne chapal mari.

2 din tak Sardar apne Bank nahi gya.

Kyu ki bank me likha tha, "Hum Aapke Sapno ko Hakiqat me badalte hai..

Teacher-Pappu tumhari attendance bohat kam hai tum exam mein nahi bethoge.

Pappu-koi baat nahi me khade khade exam de donga

"I cry in the rain, so that nobody can see me cryin."

ye to purana version hai. Ab naya suno.

"I walk in the fog so that nobody can see i'm smoking".

1 child 50 Paise ka coin kha gaya.

kuch din bad potty me uska coin bahar aa gya to child maa se bola -

"MA AAJ BAHUT DIN BAAD FASI HUI PAYMENT MILI HAI"

Rocking joke 4 u:

Sardar flight me pilot ka headphone chheen raha tha..

Pilot: Ye kya kar rahe ho?

Sardar: Saalo ticket hum lein, Aur Gaane tum suno..

Mathematical joke:-

(13x13x13) = ?





Think





Think deeply




Not getting



Ans: SUROOR!
Tera*tera* tera=SUROOR.

Aaj ki News Dekhi ?
CBI Raid Mayawati's House..

Bathroom-90 Lacs Cash !
Storeroom-25 Kg Gold !
&
BedRoom Full of
.
.
Ur Photos. naughty..
diwani hai teri !!

Customer-waiter aisi chai pilao jisse tanman jhoom uthe aur badan machalne lagey. waiter-sir humare yaha bhains ka dhudh aata hai shakira ka nahi !!

AKBAR- hamare ammi abba hamse itni mohabbt karte the k hame sulane k lie sari rat jagte the,or ham fir b nahi sote the.

BIRBAL:Tabhi aap eklote reh gaye.

Jara smbhal k chalna,



zyada bhari chiz mat uthana,



apna khayal rakhna,



khana thik thak khana,



kyunki.?



Chotha (4) mahina chal raha hai! (APRIL)

Achha Dost Kitni Hi bar Kyun Na Rooth Jaye Use Mana Lena Chahiye.


Kyun Ki,


Wo kamina aap k saare raaz janta hai!

Koi 1 din Select karo... 1. Sun 2. Mon 3. Tue 4. Wed 5. Thur 6. Fri 7. Sat
Kar Liya?
Plz
us din naha liya karo!
Garmiya shuru ho gai hai:-)

Define:"GUTS"?

Its when your Girlfriend catches you in movie theatre with another girl and you say "SWEETHEART, NEXT SHOW IS WITH U..... PAKKA!!!!"

Ek Nangi Ladki Taxi Me Baithi.
Sardar Driver Use Ghurne Laga.
Ladki-Kabhi Bina Kapde Ldki Nhi Dekhi Kya?
Sardar-Main Soch Rha Hu AapNe Paise Kidhar Rakhe Hoge...

Lady- Dr. mere pati mujse SEX nhi karte.
Dr- ye 1 Goli roj khilana!
Lady ne 1 GOLI di to pati ne us rat Sex kiya,next day usne 2 Goli di to usne khub jor se sex kiya.
3rd day puri 28 goliya dudh me dal kar pila di.
2 din bad dr. ne lady k son se uski maa k bare me pucha to son bola; maa mar gayi,chachi or mosi hospital me hai.
Aunty ne papa par rape case thok diya.
Mera pichhwada abhi bhi dukh rahi hai aur papa garden me nange hokar tommy k piche bhag rahe hai.

JAIPUR
AIRPORT
Per
MUMBAI
Ki
FLIGHT NO.9
K
PLANE
KI SEAT NO.52
Per
BAITHE
PASSANGER
K
SATH
KHADI
AIR HOSTES
K
BOY FRIEND
K
GHAR
K
BED ROOM
K
ATTACH BATHRUM
K
RIGHT
SIDE
WALI
WINDOW
K
SATH
WALI
GALI
K
PEHLE
MOD
Per
SCHOOL
KI
CLASS
7th
K
TEACHER
K
TABLE
K
SAMNE
WALI
ROW
K
7th
BENCH
K
SATH
WALI
BENCH
Per
BAITHE
HUE
STUDENT
K
BAG
ME
PADI
HUI
HINDI
KI
BOOK
K
PAGE NUMBER 57
KI
LINE NUMER 10
ME
LIKHA
THA
K
"KISI KO ITNA PRESHAN KRNA BURI BAAT HAI"

Baba Ranchordas Khatri said on neend...neend k peeche mat bhago..agar bhagna hai to padhai k peeche bhago..neend jakh maar ke tmhare peeche aayegi.

SUHAGRAAT ko DULHA DULHAN se:tum itni SUNDAR ho,MAiN tumhe KYA kahu?

BAHAR khada dulhe ka BAAP sun kar boLa : BETA,ek baar "MAA" kah de baaki MAiN dekh Lunga.

MOCHI ki biWi se us ki SAHELi ne poocha - kal SUHAAG RAAT kaise GUZRi?
BiWi - KAMiNE ne dono SURAAKH seal diye aur Poocha AUR kahan kahan Se FATi hui hai.

If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Shadi k din biwi husband se-"Suno Ji.. Aaj se APKE bina main nahi aur MERE bina aap nahi.."
.
.
.
2 saal bad wohi biwi:"Kutte! Aaj ya to TU nahi ya MAIN nahi..".

Arj kiya he. . .

AANKHO me AANSU aate he,
magar LABO pe
HANSI rakhani padti he.

yahi hal hota he LAMBE SAFAR ME jab



potty
rokni padti hai!

Banta road se gujar raha tha,
achanak
usne jhuk kar road se kuch uthaya
or
jor se chillaya....

"Kamine...

tatti bhi aise karte hai jaise SAMOSA pada ho".

Husband: Kal mere khawab main ek ladki aye thi. Wah! Kia Ladki thee!

Wife: Akeli ayee hogi?

Husband: Tum ko kese pata?

Wife: Uska Husband mere khawab main aya tha!

Imran Haashmi ne apni grlfrnd ko phle "AASHIQ BANAYA" Fir "CHOCHLATE" me "ZEHER" dalkar uska "MURDER" kar diya aur kaha "KALYUG" me "AKSAR" aisa hi hota hai.....

Hsband:U'll never succeed in making dat dog obey u !
Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with u at first..:)

Mishra ji Dr. se->
Aisi dava do ki,
Kaan se dekh saku,
Naak se sun saku aur,
Aankh se sungh saku.

Dr: Lo ye tablet din me 2 baar Pichhwade se chabaa lena.

Sardar ate 8 Butter Naan in party and then he was sufering from KABZI...

He was praying & crying in bathroom-

"Hey wahe guru, ya to JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN niKal de".;-)

Banta apni behan k saath jaa raha tha,itne mai uski behan ka rumal gir gaya.

ek aadmi aaya aur banta se bola- bantaji aapki wife ka rumal gir gaya.

banta bola - saale wife to hogi teri, meri to behan hai.

Santa proposes 2 His Boss's Daughter.

Boss-Apni sari Salary se tum Uske Liye Toilet Paper Bhi Nahi Kharid Sakte.

Santa- Je Enni Potty Kardi Ae Te Fir Rehn Do.

PJ Time:..

"PAA" ka Director 'R.Balki'.....

wah wah..,..

"PAA" ka Director 'R.Balki'......

Hathi Ghoda Palki, Jai Kanhaiya Laalki !

Apki Kahani Meri Jubani-
Apke pas Dimag he.
Chalta Nahi Alag bat he,
Aap smart he
Koi manta Nahi alag bat he
Aap shareef he
Lagte nhi alag baat he
Aapke pas mobile he
Call nhi karte alag bat he
Kaafi izzat he aapki
Koi karta nhi alag bat he,
Aapki Insult ho rahi he
Aap phir bi hans rahe he
Wo Alag bat he.

Best shayri:

Raat 4 Baje Kisi Ne Bajai Ghar Ki Bell

Wah Wah

Raat 4 Baje Kisi Ne Bajai Ghar Ki Bell

Maine Gate Khola
Chokidar Bola
All Is Well...

Wife- Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mere ghunghat uthaya to me kaisi lgi thi?

Husband- Darling me to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti.

A sindhi boy fell in love with a sindhi girl.
Girl- Jab DAD so jayenge to main gali me sikka fek dungi toh tum foran andar aa jana.
Ladka sikka fekne ke 1 ghante baad aaya.
Girl- Itni der kyu laga di.
Boy- Main Sikka dhund raha tha.
Girl- Pagal vo to Maine dhaga bandh k feka tha.

Neil Armstrong lands on Moon and sees Two Men already there ! Asks them: "Who are u ?


Reply:

"Cameraman Santosh k saath Deepak Chourasiya.. Aaj Tak !sabse tez"

Ek kavita arz hai :- Hey krishna tu is kalyug me aa k to dekh.

Tune pura parvat ek ungli pe uthaya,apne sar pe exam ke pressure ko utha k to dekh.

Tune 18 saal ki umr me mama kans ko mara, Osama Bin laden ko hath laga k to dekh.

Tune bhari mehfil me draupadi ko saree pehnai, Mallika ko ek jodi kapde pehna k to dekh.

Tune gokul ki 1600 gopia sath me rakhi, kalyug ki ek ladki pata ke to dekh.
Hey krishna tu kalyug me aake to dekh.

Ek Sardar sochta raha...sochta raha... sochta raha...
saari zindagi sochta raha aur sochtay sochtay hi mar gaya k meri behan k 3 bhai hain to mere 2 kyun.

Patient: doctor aisi medicine dijye k marnay k baad phr se zinda ho jaun.
Doctor: Is me mein apki HELP nhe kar skta, U plz Contact :STAR plus

2Premi 1duje ki akho me dek kr chips kha rhe the.

Girl-mere bare me kya soch rhe ho?

Boy-Tu Hr bar mere se jyda chips kha jati hai Bhuki, Ghr me Roti ni Milti kya

Kya tum ud sakte ho?
Kya sanjivani buti la sakte ho?
Kya sina cheer k dikha sakte ho? Nahi na..
Beta,Kewal shakal Bandar jaisi hone se koi Hanuman nahi hota!

Ye 1 darawni kahani h, kmjor dil vale ise na pdhe..
Barsaat ki 1 rat me 1 budha Aadmi hath me 1 kitab bechne k liye khda tha.
1 admi aya aur usne vo kitab 3000/- me kharid li ,budhe ne kitab dekar kaha 'jab tak koi musibat na aaye kitab ka 'last page' mat kholna.
us aadmi ne puri kitab padli par dar ke karan usne last page nhi khola.
par 1 din usse rha nhi gaya aur usne last page dekh hi liya.
aur sadme se mar gaya kyoki last page par likha tha.....







MRP:30 Rs

Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir
problem hogi.

Boy: Mom Didi ko sab log MAAL kyo kahte hai ?

Mom: Beta Shaadi ke pahle mai bhi MAAL thi, Tere PAPA ne Ghis Ghis Kar MAAL se L Nikalkar MAA Bana Diya.

Man:Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor:When?
Man:3 Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Man: We were using duplicate key.

When you are in light everything will follow you. But when you enter dark even you own shadow will leave you." THAT'S LIFE "

This is attitude
SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION

Ek machhar dusre machhar se:dekh yar kamaal ho rha hai..

chuhe dani mai chuha hai sabun dani mai sabun hai aur machhar dani mai insan so raha hai

SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

parents to a college watchman:-Is this college good?

watchman:- Probalbly d best coz i did my graduation frm here n got immediate placement

'Teacher: Tumhare Papa kya kaam karte hai?

Bacha:"KFC" k Maalik he.

Teacher: Nice, KFC ka kya matlab hai?


Bacha: "KAKA FRUIT CHAAT":-

Is mantra ko
33 baar mandir ko bahar khade ho
kar bolne se dhan ka labh hoga mantra he








"Bhagwan ke naam pe de de baba"

Aadmi shaadi kyon karta he?


:D

Isliye

taki marne ke baad

agar swarg jaye
to
achcha feel kare,

aur

agar nark jaye
to
ajeeb sa na lage...!! :-)

--<( . )v( . )>--
Ye Lo BRA
Ab khud Mat Pahen Lena,Teri Girl frnd ki hai,
Raat Ko khel khel Me Mere Paas Bhool Gayi thi
Ab Thanks Bolke Rulayega kya Pagle!..
Gm

Experience the new ultra speed free SMS service at www.free121sms.com Get registered and send unlimited free SMSs anywhere in India. Happy free SMSing.

08000000000....just dial dis no..nd see d magic....its nt a joke..try it

Santa was filling a slam book.

He didn't know d meaning of zodiac sign.

He turned to d previous page & saw someone had written Cancer so he wrote Loose Motions.

Santa wanted to become a great man like Newton.

After long research He made Newton's 4th law of motion..

"Loose motion can never be done in slow motion".

Da new Prince pj...

Ques- What is Vivek Oberoi in Prince...?





Ans- Majdoor.....
coz he says,












''chhod di khudaai maine tere liye...''
:-)

Jawaharlal Nehru Said,"LAZINESS IS THE BIGGEST ENEMY..."

Mahatma Gandhi Said "ALWAYS LOVE YOUR ENEMIES..."

Ab Batao BAPU Ki Sune Ya CHACHU Ki..!!

Apko ek film me kaam karne hai,



us film me aap ko ek nadi me kud na hai..



aur us film ka naam he, 'Gayi Bhais paani me'.

Lohe ko Loha Kaat sakta hai,

Sone ko Sona kaat sakta hai,

Pathar ko Pathar Kaat Sakta hai,

Aap PLZ Apna Khayal Rakhna Aapko bhi KUTTA Kaat sakta hai.

Summer pj:

Garmi ka mausam hai, ayegi ab keri,
Wah wah!

Garmi ka mausam hai, ayegi ab keri,

Mai Barish kardu paise ki jo tu ho jaye meri.

sardar: bhai sahab zara shirt k liye koi kapda dhikao !!

salesmen : plain me dhika du?

sardar : abe gadhe hawai jahaj me jaane ki kya zarurat hai yahi par dikha !!

Child donkey: mum wid whom shall i play.? all r busy.

Mother donkey said - don worry son..see this donkey will b free after reading this joke blog.

child 2 dentist:Dr. Bina dard k bhi daant nikale ja sakte hai.

Dr.: Nahi.

Child:agar main nikal k dikau to..?

Dr. : Kaise.

Child: He He he

Santa banta ki khoob pitayi hui..Pata hai kyun?

Dono birthday party me bina bulaye chale gaye or khana khate hue bole "Hum to ladke walo ki taraf se hai".

Kamwali bai ko kuch ladke chhed rahe the..

Bai:- batamiji karoge to MOR bana dungi..

Ladke:- MOR kaise banaogi..

Bai:- Tumhare pichhwaade mein jhaadu dal ke...

Old concept: "Do or Die"
New concept: "Do b4 u die"
Latest concept: "Don't die, until u do".

Wife: Where wil u take me on our 10th anniversary?

Hubby: We'll go 2 African safari.

Wife: YAHOOO ! & on our 25th anniv ?

Hubby: I'll bring u back ! YAHOOO..

Sardar apni saliyo k liye chudiya[bangles] le k gaya.

Saliyo ne kaha - jijaji aap laaye ho to aap hi pahna do na !

Sardar:hai Rabba, pahle pata hota to chaddiya(UGs) le k aata.

OLDMAN- Jab se mera Heart transplant hua hai, Muje SEX or PAISA achha lagne laga hai, Kya me jawan ho gya hu?

Dr: Nahi tumhe PROSTITUTE ka dil lagaya gaya hai.

Lets celebrate Men's day:
Bechara mard.
Agr aurat pe hath uthaye to zalim,
aur pit jaye to buzdil.
Aurat ko kisi k sath dkh k ladai kre to jealous aur chup rhe to be-gairat,
Ghr se bhar rhe to awara aur ghar me rahe to nakara,Bacho ko dante to kathor,
na dante to la-prwah,
Aurat ko service se roke to shaki-mizaz,
na roke to aurat ki kamai khane wala.
Akhir ye a bechara mard jaye to jaye kanha
"Janhit me jari
nari hai atyachari!

Physics ka bhi baap:..

Question:- Which liquid turns 2 solid on heating..???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans:- BESAN KE PAKODE.:-)

A kid gets 0 mark in a paper.
Father angrily says what is this?
Kid replies:teacher ke pass STAR khatam ho gaye to MOON dene shuru kar diye.!!

SaNtA : tUM Is oFFiCe Ma kUb sE kAM kR rAhE hO ?

BaNtA : JUb sE BoSs nE MuJhE nOkRi sE nIkALnE kI dHAMkI dI hA ...;->

Sardar's fren:yar kal maine kitni baar call kiya,uthaya Q nahi?
Sardar:Q uthaun,30 Rs. de ke jo gaana lagwaya hai,woh kya tera baap sunega.

Raja Ne Nagar me Elaan Kiya-
"Koi Aisa Bahadur Hai Jo 20 Botal Sharab Piye,
Sherni K Daant Tode, Aur 1 Ladki K Saath Itna Sex Kare K Ladki Behosh Ho Jaye".

1 SARDAR Aaya
Wo 20 Botal Sharab Pine K Baad Sherni K Pinjre Me Ghus Gaya Aur Bahot Der Baad Bahar Aakar Bola-
"Kahan Hai Wo Ladki Jiske Daant Todne Hai".

Santa Ne College Khola.

Banta-Yar Sante Tu Apne College Ka Sabse Alag Naam Rakhna.

Santa Ne College Ka Naam Rakha -
"SANTA SINGH GIRLS COLLEGE only for BOYS".

EXam time h, apne andar k sher ko jaga lo
wah wah


xam tim h,apne andr k sher ko jaga lo.






Godrj kesh kala-bus kato, kholo ,gholo aur laga lo!

Santa: Mujhe Shaadi Mein BMW Mili Hai.

Banta: Par Tumhare Pass Toh Koi Car Nahi Hai.

Santa: Abe Gadhe,BMW Ka Matlab'Bahut Motti Wife'....

Koi Jhuka K Maarta Hai,

Koi Khade-khade Maarta Hai,

Koi Dhire-dhire Maarta Hai,

Koi Jaldi-jaldi Maarta Hai,

Koi maarte-maarte thak jata Hai..

Tab Jakar hota hai SCOOTER START. Dru..Drun..Drun.

R u feeling bore?

No problm, do smthing special.

5 baar bolo "Roti kha ke potti jaun" Potti ja ke roti khau".

plz bolna zarur, now enjoy with roti n potty.

Aurat: Ye condom kitne ka hai?

Dukandar:10 ka !

Aurat: He ram, mehanghai to dekho! Paanchvi mein thi to 50 paise k 3 aate the!

sardar Ko uska Sasur Jute Mar RahaTha.

Aadmi:Q Mar Rahe Ho?

Sasur:Iski Biwi ne Hospital Se SMS Kiya ki TUM BAAP BAN GAYE HO.Isne Apne Sare Friends Ko Forward kar diya.

Public Toilet ki Deewar Par Likha tha-

Duniya Chand Par Pahuch gai,

Aur Tu Yaha Khadaa hai..

Sardar Niche Likh Aya: Su su kar k bas nikal hi raha hu...!

Santa - Aap to kehte the ki subah khelne se sehat thik rhti h pr muje to Koi fark nahi padha?
Dr. - Tum konsi game khelte ho?
Snta - Mobile me SNAKE wala game !

Ek hospital me saare pagal naach rahe the. Ek pagal chup chap baitha.

Dr. ne pucha - tum Q shanti se baithe ho?

Pagal- Bewakuf, main Dulha hoon.....

Santa dial a no. & hear - "Iss Call k liye aapka Balance kafi nahi Hai."

Santa: Koi Baat Nahi Janeman, TumSe Baat Ho gayi bas Itna Hi kafi hai.. ;-)

Boy-Baba, mujhe aisa kaam batao, jisme mujhe kuch krna na pade,Log kare or paise mujhe mile.
Baba- Ja beta, "ShulAbh shauchalay" khol le..

Girl-Mujhe Aise PROPOSE Karo Jaise Aaj Tak kisine Na kiya Ho?
BOy-kutti
Kamini
Zaleel
I LuV U
Mujhse SHADi Kar k Mujhe Tabah Kar de.
Nagin
Chudel
Ab to HAAN Kar de.

BEWajah kisiko Sataya Nai Karte,
U Hi Kisi Ko TADPAYA Nai Karte,
Jinki SANSE Chalti Ho
AAPKE KHooN se,
ALLOUT Jalaakar
Unhe Bhagaya Nahi Karte.

Jab se Mardon ko aapas me pyar karne ki permission milee hai... Tailor ek naya sawaal karne lage hai ? - " SIR, PANT ME ZIP AAGE LAGAOON YA PEECHE ? "

Tears are more truthful than smile because you can smile in front of everyone but you will only cry in front ofone who is special for you.

Hospital mein ek Bacha Paida Hote Hi Nurse Se Bola- BEAR ya WISKY Hai Kya ???

Nurse- nahi ??

Bacha- Oh Shit ?? fir se GUJARAT mein Paida Ho Gaya...

Sardar: Train Ki patri par so gya.

Ek aadmi(1st joke completed..LoL) bola - train upar se jayegi to mar jayega!

Sardar:Saala abhi Plane upar se gya kuch nhi hua toh train kya cheez hai...

which r the most powerful three words other than'i love u........???

'RESULTS ARE OUT'

Gandhi ji k Jivan se Prbhavit Hokar Mene Gandhi ji ke Photo Jama KArna Suru Kiya hai, Aapke Pas Jitne 10/50/100/ 500/1000 ke Not Ho vo Bhejkar Sahyog kare.

Class Teachr ne stdnts se 'MY CLASS TEACHER' per 10 line likhne ko kaha.

Thodi der bad 1 student ne uth kr pucha: Sir, 'JHANDU','SADIYAL','HARAMI''KAMINEY' ko english me kya kahte hai??

1 baar do ladkiyo ne nangi hokar bank lutaa.

1st girl:-hum pakde gaye to?

2nd girl- don't Worry yaar !!
Kisine Bhi humara FACE nahi dekha hoga..

T.V. Ad...

Villain tries to rape a girl. He is unable to open or break d naada.

Voice frm background: Aapki maa ki Aapki behen ki Ijjat k rakhwaale

"PAPPU Naade"

Ladki ka baap - tum meri beti ko kab se pyar karte ho...
Ladka:~ 4 mahine se.
Baap:~ main kaise yakeen kar lu...
Ladka:~ aur 5 mahine ruk jao yakeen ho jayega.

Luv defind by a simple school boy:
Lov iz wen I walk 2 d othr student of d clasroom 2 sharpn my pncil jst 2 c her..
& then i realize m holdng a pen

Santa Ko Koi Mobile Pe Tang Karta Tha
Santa Ne New Sim Kharid Kr Usy Msg Kia
Mene Wo Sim Band Kr Dia H
Ab Tera Bap B Muje Tang Nhi Kr Skta!

Realy Golden Words .
Agar duniya main mehnat ki Qadar hoti
To Gadha sub se jyada izzat-dar hota.....!
Dedicated to all hardworking and busy friends....

Teacher : 1 amrud k ped par 10 aam hai, usme se 5 chiku maine nikaal liye to ped par kitni mosambi bachegi?

Studnt : 10 HAATHI !!

Teacher : waah! Tujhe kaise pata?

Student : kyuki aaj mai lunch me methi ki sabji laya hu.

Moral : roj brush karo warna ghar me chuhe aate hai.

What is India?

A Nation where Pizza reachs home Faster than Ambulance & Police..

Where U get Car Loan @ 5% bt Education Loan @ 12%..

Where Rice is Rs.40 bt Sim card is free..

Where people stndng at tea stal readng an article abt child labour frm newspaper n say "yaar bacho se kaam karwane waalo ko to fansi par chadaa dena chahiye'' n then they shout ''Oye CHOTU 2 chai la''

This is our INDIA
Incredible India..

Plz mind it.

GF-Chand Kahaan Hai?

BF-chand 2 hai 1 Tum Aur 1 Upar.

After Marriage :

Bivi-Chand Kahaan Hai?

Pati-Andhi Hai?Wo Uper kya tera baap bulb jala k baitha hai.

Husband:- chaand dekha par tm jaisi chandani nai dekhi.

wife:- sindhi me chao na.

hsbnd:- chandra ditho par to jedi chandri kon dithi...:)

Pati:- DR. meri biwi ki aawaz chali gayi hai, main waapis kaise laau.

Dr. :- Raat ko ghar der se aana shuru kar do.. :)

Mandir Mei Joota Utaarte Waqt...

aur

Kisi Ko Miss Call Marte Waqt

Bas Ek hi Darr Rehta Hai...


Koi Utha Na Le.

A man Entered In"LADIES TOILET" & opend his zip.

LADY- Ye Mahilaon ke Liye Hai !

Man laughs and says - Maine kab kaha ki ye garam masala kootne k liye hai.

Boy-tu dharti pe chahe jaha v rahegi tujhe teri khushbu se pechan lunga.
girl- maa kasam mujhe pehle se hi shakk tha ki,tu "KUTTA" type ka admi hai..:-)

1 bachha chocolate kha raha tha !
1 aadmi bola - itni chocolate khana achcha nahi !
Boy - mere dadaji 105 saal jiye the !
Aadmi-vo chocolate khate the?
Boy - nahi apne kaam se kaam rakhte the..!!

Gadha Sherni se : darling I Love u.
Sherni : Chalbe apni shakal dekhi hai ?
Gadha : Shakal ko maar Goli, niche dekh niche.
Sherni: ohh !! I love u too..

Q:What is the height of flirting?

A:When ur love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

Santa:Aisi chiz ka naam bataa jo laal hai or trin trin karti hai.

Banta: Telephn.

Santa:galat.

Banta: to fir?

Santa:tamatar.. Trin trin to confuse karne k liye bola tha.

Gabbar: O murgi tujhe 2 ande dene ko kaha tha 1 kyun diya? Tujhe mujhse dar nahi lagta.?

Murgi: dar ki wajh se 1 anda diya hai sarkaar warna main to murga hoon.

IT IS REALITY !!!
Read here..
इटली में डर के मारे अंडे दे रहा है एक मुर्गा..LOL http://in.jagran.yahoo.com/news/oddnews/general/15_35_3059/

santa mehman se-thanda loge ya garam..kya chalege?
Mehman-Dono hi.
Santa-O preeto..1 glass freezer ka aur 1 glass geezar ka pani le aao :)

Girl: Tum Hafte Me Kitni Bar Shave Karte Ho?

Boy: Hafte Me Nahi,Din Me 30 Se 40 Baar.

Girl: Kya. . . ! Tum Pagal Ho?

Boy: Nhi,Main "NAAYI" hu.

LAUGHLINE "KABHI SOCHA HAIN K GARAM tave pe "popcorns" kyun uchhalte hain...????????
.
.
Nahi pata na.?
.
.
.
Kabhi khud baithna.. Pata chal jayega..

Smile is d language system of love,
smile is d way 2 get success,
smile is a way 2 win the hearts,
smile improves ur personality
so brush ur teeth regularly...!

Hospital me 1 baccha paida hote hi nurse se bola: Bhukh lagi he nashte me kya hai?
Nurse : kachori-samosa !
Bachacha : Sala fir se KOTA mein peda ho gaya !

Sweater kabhi 1 din me nahi bunta
Wah wah

Sweater kabhi 1din me nahi bunta


Ek baar jo maine commitment kar di,uske baad to main khud ki bhi nahi sunta.
Waah..waah

Beta U.S.A. se apni Maa ko phone karta hai..!
Maa mujhe AIDS ho gaya hai..?

Maa:- Beta tum India mat aana warna sab gadbad ho jayega.

Beta:- wo kaise?

Maa:- agar tu aa gaya to teri gharwali ko hoga,

teri gharwali se tere bhai ko,

tere bhai se nokrani ko,

nokrani se tere baap ko,

tere baap se teri mausi ko,

teri mausi se tere mausa ko,

tere mausa se mujhe,

or agar mujhe ho gaya to sara gaon tabah ho jayega.

Ab beta sare gaon ko tu hi bacha sakta hai.

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

--Sam Kinison
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.



--H. L. Mencken


---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:


either the car is new or the wife.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."

--Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!

--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled "It really works ! "

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while
driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and
the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they
wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll
take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees
with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than
doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address
books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it
for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom
gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality
just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like
asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has
it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has
it!

FILL IN THE BLANKS WITH "HAAN" OR "NAHI"......

1.- ______, MAIN INSAAN NAHI HU.

2.- _______, MAIN HI BEWAKUF HU.

3.- _______, MERA KOI ILAAZ NAHI HAI.

4.- _______, MAIN PAGAL HI HU.

GIVE ANSWER...........

Ashish Joshi and Annu get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Ashish's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Monu, Ashish's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Ashish and Annu are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Monu asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Monu comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Ashish and Annu up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Monu says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

After school, Monu comes home and asks again, 'Are Ashish and Annu up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Ashish came to my room for some lubricating lotion or cold cream and I think...

I gave him Fevicol.'

Some have heard the news that India has entered into the race for the moon.

This is the picture of their first returned
Indian astronaut.
Just landed.


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