Santa English k paper main fail hogaya translation ki wajah se.
1. Main ek Aam admi hu
I am a mango man.
2.Muze Englis aati h,
English comes to me.
3.Mera taluq haripur hazara se hai.
I belong to Green pur Thousanda
4.Sadak per goliyan chal rahi hain
Tablets are walking on the road.
Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
�Darling� said Santa to his new bride. �Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?�. �Ofcourse dearest�, she replied. �But what will you live on?�
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa�s watch is always ten minutes slow.
Santa checked his girlfriend�s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed �TIMEPASS NO. 8�
Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn�t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men�s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says� Dear Sir��all is forgiven�..just tell us��.where is it?�
Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for dinner. This was her first time meeting the family so she was tremendously nervous. This along with the broccoli she ate gave her a little gas so she let out a small noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Right then Santa�s father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, �Ginger!�. She was relieved. Next time she let out a louder one and again Santa�s father shouted at the dog, �Ginger!� he said. Finally she let a really loud one out that sounded like a train whistle and the father said �Ginger!!!!! Move from there before she shits on you!!!�
Santa walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he sips the beer he hears a soothing voice say �nice tie�. He looks around and is baffled to see that there is no one there except him and the bartender at the other end of the room. A few sips later the voice says �beautiful shirt�.Santa panics and calls the bartender over and says �I must be losing my mind, I can hear these voices say nice things but there is no one else except you and me� , the bartender points to the table and says �oh it�s the peanuts , they are complimentary
Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid
-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide, Santa says, �Happy journey Beta!!!!�
-Santa�s son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says � 50 bucks? What do you need 20 bucks for?�
Santa is the true music lover.
A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening to her.
Santa being romantic to his wife.
�One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, �I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted��
Santa�s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa�s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa�s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa�s wife: your horse is on the phone.
Santa tells his dad, �Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay�
Santa�s Dad:� Oye beta then punch him!!!�
Santa: � No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!�
Do you drink? Girl�s father asked Santa. Santa says � first tell me whether it�s a question or invitation?�
Santa taking grammar lessons
�If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!�
Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn�t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.
Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.
Santa�s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?
Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!
Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!
Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Other Jokes ...
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry? BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!
Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.
Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
How did Panditji Kill a Lion?
Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Santa: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: Y did'nt u try to Xchnge?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....
Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.
A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!".
Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
19 Sardars went to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group, they replied that the film was only for above 18...
Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
Scientists have found water and ice on the moon......
.
.
.
.
.
Toh dosto, hume sirf whisky le jani hogi Cheers!
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Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai
Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.
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1 Man jumped in2 sea & nvr came out
Nxt day 2nd man jumped in2 sea n nvr cameout
Banta Singh aftr watching diz concluded
.
.
.
MAN IS SOLUBLE IN WATER!
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Desi Boy: "Mere 4 Bhai & 6 Behne Hain, Aap K Kitne Hain?
American Boy:
"Mere Bhai, Behen Nahi,
Par Pehli Mom Se 4 Papa Aur Pehle Papa Se 6 Mom Hain"
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Santa - Bachpan me maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj ye din na dekhna padta.
JUDGE - Kya kehti thi maa?
Santa - Jab baat hi nahi suni toh kaise bataun kya kehti thi.
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Boy : Janeman! tute hue dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.
Girl : Harmkhor! tuti hui chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
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A birds shits on Santa Singh, Santa shouts angrily.... "Chadi nahi pehanta kya?"
The bird shouts back... "Tu chaddi me karta kya?"
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Crazy PJ
Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick
Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick
SO WHAT
Chutki me chipkaye FEVIWIK
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Biwi (gusse me): tumare dimag to sirf gobar bhara hai.
Pati (pyar se): To fir itni der se Kyu kha rahi ho.
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The power of Dhobi
Dhobi is the only 1 person in the wold who can say...
Bhabi kapde nikal k rakhna, abhi aa ke leta hu...
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Kashmir ke angoor khatte hote
hai hamari shayari sunnewale
ullu ke patthe hote hai
संता-बंता की खूब पिटाई हुई। दोनों किसी के जन्मदिन पार्टी में मुफ्त का खाना खाते हुए पकड़े गये थे,
कहने लगे- हम लड़की वालों की तरफ से हैं..
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अध्यापक (चिंटू से)- 3 जमा 5?
चिंटू- 8
अध्यापक- 7 जमा 3?
चिंटू- 10
अध्यापक- 8 जमा 8?
चिंटू- पता नही सर मेरे पास सिर्फ 10 ही उंगली है।
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डॉक्टर- ये मर चुका है..
तभी मरीज बोल पड़ा- मैं जिंदा हूं..!
मरीज की पत्नी- तुम चुप रहो जी, हमेशा अपनी चलाते हो, इतना बड़ा डॉक्टर क्या झूठ बोलेगा?
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रमा (राजू से)-तुम हफ्ते में कितनी बार शेव करते हो।
राजू (रमा से)- हफ्ते में नही, दिन में 30-40 बार।
रमा- क्या.. तुम पागल हो?
राजू- नही, मैं नाई हूं।
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चिंटू- पापा आप प्रेस क्यों कर रहे हो।
पापा- प्रेस करने से सलवटें निकल जाती हैं।
चिंटू- फिर तो अच्छा है पापा मैं दादाजी के गाल की भी सलवटें निकाल दूंगा।
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एक भिखारी की लॉटरी लगी तो वो एक मंदिर बनवाता है।
दूसरा भिखारी- यार तू मंदिर क्यों बनवा रहा है।
भिखारी- क्योंकि इसके सामने मैं अकेला भीख मांगूंगा।
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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डाक्टर साहब, ये फूलों की माला किस लिए है?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- यह मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए नहीं तो, तुम्हारे लिए।
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राजू अपनी मां से स्कूल ना जाने की जिद कर रहा था। मां उसे समझाते हुए बोली-
बेटे स्कूल जाओगे तो बड़ा आदमी बनोगे। तुम्हारे पास बहुत पैसे होंगे, कार होगा।
राजू मां की बात मान कर स्कूल चला गया।
क्लास में टीचर ने पूछा- बच्चों बताओ, किताबें कहां मिलती हैं?
एक बच्चा- बुक स्टोर में।
टीचर- कार कहां मिलती है?
राजू- स्कूल में।
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पुलिस हाई अलर्ट के टाइम शर्मा जी के घर तलाशी लेने गयी।
पुलिस- खबर है कि आपके घर में विस्फोटक सामग्री है।
शर्मा जी- सर वो मायके गयी हुई है।
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संता (बंता से)- मेरे दादा ने 1947 की जंग में दुश्मन की टांग काट दी थी।
बंता (संता से)- गर्दन क्यों नही काटी..
संता- वो पहले से ही कटी पड़ी थी।
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डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- दवाई हिलाकर पिया करें।
मरीज- डॉक्टर साहब बड़ी परेशानी होती है दवाई हिलाने से चम्मच से गिर जाती है फिर जमीन से चाटनी पड़ती है।
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पति भागा-भागा होटल मैनेजर के पास गया, जल्दी चलो! मेरी बीवी खिड़की से कूदकर जान देना चाहती है।
होटल मैनेजर- तो इसमें मैं क्या करूं?
पति- खिड़की नही खुल रही है।
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एक पठान बिना छीले केला खा रहा था, किसी ने उसे कहा- इसे छील तो लो।
पठान - छीलने की क्या जरुरत है हमें मालूम है इसमें केला है।
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पति (पत्नी से)- डार्लिग! यह सच है न कि एक बार देखा हुआ चेहरा तुम कभी नहीं भूलतीं?
पत्नी (पति से)- हां बिलकुल, मैं कभी नहीं भूलती, मगर यह तुम पूछ क्यों रहे हो?
पति- वो दरअसल क्या है कि तुम्हारे ड्रेसिंग टेबल का महंगा आईना अभी-अभी मुझसे टूट गया है और नए आईने का जुगाड़ होने तक तुम्हें अपनी याद्दाश्त से कम चलाना पडे़गा।
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संता (बंता से)- मेरी बकरी ने अंडा दिया है।
बंता (संता से)- बकरी कैसे अंडा दे सकती है।
संता- अबे गधे मैंने अपनी मुर्गी का नाम बकरी रखा है।
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डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- कमजोरी है फल खाया करो छिलके सहित।
एक घंटे बाद..
मरीज- डॉक्टर साहब मेरा पेट दर्द हो रहा है।
डॉक्टर- क्या खाया था?
मरीज- नारियल छिलके सहित।
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एक भारतीय युवक ने चाइनीज लड़की से शादी की।
एक साल बाद ही वो मर गयी उसे रोता देख उसका दोस्त बोला-
"यार दुख की बात तो है, पर सोच चाइना का माल और कितना चलेगा।"
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डॉक्टर मरीज के पीछे भाग रहा था।
एक आदमी ने पूछा क्या हुआ?
डॉक्टर- 4 बार ऐसा ही हुआ है ये आदमी ब्रेन का ऑपरेशन करवाने आता है और बाल कटवाकर भाग जाता है।
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पति (पत्नी से)- विद्वानों ने कहा है कि मूर्खो की बीवी बहुत सुंदर होती है।
पत्नी (पति से)- आपके पास तो हमारी तारीफ करने के सिवा कोई काम ही नही है।
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अध्यापिका (चिंटू से)- तुम में कुछ कमियां है।
चिंटू अगले दिन कोट पैंट पहनकर आता है।
अध्यापिका- ये क्या है?
चिंटू- रेमण्ड, द कम्पलीट मैन.
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बॉस ने एक मेहनती कर्मचारी को बुलाकर कहा- ये लो 5000 रुपये का चेक,
अगर इसी तरह मेहनत से काम करते रहोगे तो साइन भी कर दूंगा।
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बंता (संता से)- मेरी टी शर्ट उल्टी करके प्रेस कर देना।
एक दिन बाद...
बंता- मेरी टी शर्ट प्रेस हो गयी?
संता- यार प्रेस कैसे करता, कोशिश तो बहुत की लेकिन उल्टी आ ही नही रही है।
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मां- बेटा तुम अपने बाल क्यों नही कटवाते?
बेटा- क्यों मां?
मां- बेटा लोग रिश्ते के लिए तुम्हारी बहन को देखने आते हैं और पसंद तुम्हें कर जाते हैं।
Santa banta ki khoob pitayi hui..Pata hai kyun?
Dono birthday party me bina bulaye chale gaye or khana khate hue bole "Hum to ladke walo ki taraf se hai".
Santa Ko Koi Mobile Pe Tang Karta Tha
Santa Ne New Sim Kharid Kr Usy Msg Kia
Mene Wo Sim Band Kr Dia H
Ab Tera Bap B Muje Tang Nhi Kr Skta!
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
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Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
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Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
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Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
KhatriJi: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
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Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka badaa afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.
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Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado.
Santa aage nahin bada.
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha.
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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated... drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
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Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
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Santa: Raat film mein ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
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Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removing a
wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only
Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit
pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it
was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS......
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ...
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Bunta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music
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Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."
Judge : "But why ?"
Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."
Judge : "How do you know ?"
Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
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From his death bed, Santa called his wife Jasmeet and said, "One month after I die
I want you to marry Banta."
Jasmeet : "Bunta ! But he is your enemy !"
Santa : "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
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Bunta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto
that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found
Preeto in another man's arms.
Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't
get the fax."
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Santa : "When we were first married, I would come home from the office,
Jasmeet would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run
around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings
the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
Bunta : "Why complain?, You're still getting the same service!"
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Preeto : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at
me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever
said anything bad about him?"
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Jasmeet drew Santa's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
Santa : "I would love to, "But I don't know her well enough...
may be you could introduce us..!
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Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children
and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Bunta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and
none of them dares to answer back.
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Jasmeet : My husband always comes home late, no matter how I try.
Preeto : "Take my advice, and do what I did.
Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning,
and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jaspal?"
And that cured him.
Jasmeet : "Cured him !... But how?"
Preeto : "You know, his name is Banta."
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Santa : "You looked troubled, what's your problem?"
Bunta : "I'm going to be a father."
Santa : "But that's wonderful,"
Bunta : "What's wonderful? My wife Preeto doesn't know about it yet.
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Jasmeet : If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Santa : That you are a lesbian.
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Bunta : "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
Santa : "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
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Santa to Jasmeet on their wedding night- "
Santa : "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ?"
Jasmeet : "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
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It was mealtime on Punjab Airline .
Air Hostess : "Would you like dinner?"
Bunta : "What are my choices?"
Air Hostess : "Yes or no,"
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Jasmeet : You always carry my photo in your wallet to the office. Why?
Santa : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Jasmeet : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Santa : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Santa : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
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Jasmeet : "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?"
Santa : looking at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of Humor.
###########################################
Santa went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
Guess why ?
because there it was written "Number Dial Karne Se Pehele Do Lagae"
###########################################
Santa was driving with girlfriend Preeto to Chandigarh.
He puts his hand on her lap.
She smiles and says, "You can go further dear..".
So, Santa drives to SHIMLA.
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it....!!!
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जेलर : तुम्हे कल सुबह 5 बजे फाँसी दी जायेगी !
सरदार : हा हा हा हा !
जेलर : क्यों हँस रहे हो ?
सरदार : मैं तो उठता ही सुबह 9 बजे हूँ !
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Teacher: Translate - बाज़ार में गोलियां चल रही हैं !
संता : The Tablets are walking in the market..
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Santa's girfriend: मेरी माँ आपको बहुत पसंद करती है !
Santa, after a deep thought: कुछ भी हो जाये , शादी तो मैं तुझसे ही करूँगा !
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Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?
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संता : Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
बंता : Govt. को पता है की देश संभालना आसान है , लेकिन बीवी को नहीं .
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संता बड़ा दुखी था , किसी ने पूछा इतनी टेंशन में क्यों हो ?
संता : एक दोस्त को 3 लाख प्लास्टिक सर्जरी के लिए दिए थे, अब उसे पहचान नहीं पा रहा हूँ !
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Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
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Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
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ड्राईवर : सर जी , पेट्रोल ख़तम हो गया , गाडी आगे नहीं जा सकती .
बंता :-चलो फिर , वापिस ले चलो ..
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संता : वो देख तेरी बीवी को सांप काट रहा है !
बंता : अरे टेंशन मत ले , जहर भरवाने आया होगा ...
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Santa bought a car on loan.... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
