After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: it is simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told her I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow !!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: B'coz it is Black & White

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar in airplane going to Bombay .. While it is landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar: Miss, Did u call to my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
(Had never thought of it)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

एक भुलक्कड़ सरदार INTERVIEW देने जाता है !
INTERVIEWER : आपकी उम्र कितनी है ?
सरदार : (उंगलियों पर गिनने के बाद) २२ वर्ष जनाब !
INTERVIEWER (सरदार कि इस हरकत से हैरान होने के बाद ): और आपकी HEIGHT कितनी है ?
सरदार : (जेब से इंचटेप निकालकर नापने के बाद ) : 5 Feet 2 Inch.
INTERVIEWER का दिमाग खराब हो जाता है ! वो सोचता है कि इससे ऐसी चीज पूछता हूँ
जो यह सरदार नाप-तोल ना सके !
INTERVIEWER : अच्छा ठीक है, आपका नाम बताइये !
सरदार 15 सेकंड तक अपने सर को दांये-बांये हिलाता है और बोलता है : गुरप्रीत !
INTERVIEWER : (चोंकते हुवे ) : गुरप्रीत ये बताओ कि जब मैंने तुम्हारा नाम पूछा तब तुम अपना
सर दांये-बांये क्यों हिला रहे थे?
सरदार : सर मैं एक गाना याद कर रहा था : Happy Birth Day To You..Happy Birth Day To You..
Happy Birth Day Dear Gurpreet, Happy Birth Day To You..

दादा - बेटा अन्दर से मेरे दांत लाना !

पोता -पर दादू अभी रोटी नहीं बनी है

दादा - ओये रोटी को मार गोली, यार सामनेवाली बुड्ढी को Smile देनी है ..!

=====================================

गब्बर : ये हाथ हमको देदे ठाकुर !

ठाकुर : ठीक है , लेले . पर 1 शर्त है ...

वादा कर ...रोज़ पोट्टी धोने तू आएगा . .!!

=============================

एक टेक्सी ड्राईवर बहुत तेज़ ड्राइव कर रहा था !

पीछे बेठे हुवे साहिब बोले :

"ओ भाई अहिस्ता टाक्सी चलाओ मैं 12 बच्चो का बाप हूँ .

ड्राईवर :अपनी Speed देखी है ?

जो मेरी Speed पर ऐतराज़ कर रहे हो !

===================================

1 क्लास का बच्चा अपनी Miss से कहता है :

"मैं आप को कैसा लगता हूँ ?"

Miss : So sweet!

बच्चा : "तो फिर मैं अपनी अम्मी - अब्बू

को आप के घर कब भेजूं ?"

Miss : वो क्यों ?

बच्चा : "ताकि वो हमारी बात आगे चलाये" ,

Miss : ये क्या बकवास है ?

बच्चा : "ट्यूशन पढने के लिये ! "

एक फकीर भीख मांगने के लिये मस्जिद के बाहर बैठा रहा ...

सब नमाज़ी आँख बचा कर चले गए ...

उसे कुछ ना मिला ...

वो फिर चर्च गया , फिर मंदिर और फिर गुरूद्वारे ...

लेकिन उसको किसी ने कुछ ना दिया ...

आखिर एक मयखाने (बार / पब ) के बाहर आकर बैठ गया ...

जो शराबी निकलता उसके कटोरे में कुछ डाल देता ...

उसका कटोरा नोटों से भर गया ... फकीर बोला ,

"वाह मेरे खुदा ... !! रहते कहाँ हो , और Address कहाँ का देते हो ...."

पप्पू एक पार्टी में गया और वहाँ उसने 8 बटर-नान खा लिये !

कुछ देर बाद पप्पू टोइलेट में पेट पकड़ के रो रहा था भगवान से विनती कर रहा था कि..
"हे भगवान,या तो जान निकाल दे या नान निकाल दे !

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'
HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.
WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'
WIFE: 'You would?'
HUSBAND: .......?
WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'
HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'
WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'
HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'
WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'
HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'
WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'
HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'
WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'
HUSBAND: 'No, her size is 6.'
WIFE: -- silence .......
HUSBAND: 'shit'.

पिंटू (चिंटू से)- ये कैसे पता चलेगा कि सामने जो जानवर है वह बकरा है या बकरी।
चिंटू (पिंटू से)- सिंपल है, उसको पत्थर मारना यदि वह भागा तो बकरा और भागी तो बकरी।

___________

एक औरत बड़ी हड़बड़ी में दंत चिकित्सक के क्लीनिक में पहुंची।
बोली- डॉक्टर साहब! मैं बहुत जल्दी में हूं। मुझे एक जरूरी मीटिंग में जाना है इसलिए एनस्थीसिया मत लगाइये और जल्दी से दांत बाहर निकाल दीजिये।
डॉक्टर ने मन ही मन कहा- कमाल की औरत है! फिर उस औरत से बोला- ठीक है, जैसी आपकी मर्जी। इस कुर्सी पर बैठ जाइये और बताइये कौन से दांत में दर्द है।
औरत ने दरवाजे के पास खड़े अपने पति को आवाज दी- चलो! डॉक्टर साहब को दांत दिखाओ।

______________

एक दंपत्ति अपनी शादी की चालीसवीं वर्षगांठ मना रहे थे। संयोग से उस दिन पत्नी का साठवां जन्मदिन भी था। उस रात उनके घर में एक परी प्रकट हुई। उसने उन दोनों से कहा कि वे दोनों इतने लम्बे समय से बड़े प्यार से रह रहे हैं जिससे वह बहुत खुश है। परी ने कहा कि वे उससे एक-एक वरदान मांग सकते हैं।
पत्नी, जो कि अपने पति से बेइंतहा प्यार करती थी, ने परी से कहा कि वह अपने पति के साथ दुनिया की सारी मनोरम जगहों की सैर करना चाहती है, पर उसके पास इतने पैसे नहीं है। परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और पत्नी के हाथ में हवाई जहाज के टिकटों से भरा लिफाफा आ गया।
अब मांगने की बारी पति की थी।
उसने एक मिनट सोचा फिर बोला- ईमानदारी से कहूं, तो मैं अपने लिए अपने से 30 साल छोटी पत्नी चाहता हूं।
परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और....।
पति महोदय तुरंत 90 साल के हो गये।

____________

भिखारी- कुछ खाने को दो बाबा..
रामू- टमाटर खाओ।
भिखारी- रोटी दे दो बाबा..
रामू- टमाटर खाओ..
भिखारी- तो टमाटर ही दे दो।
रामू के पड़ोसी ने कहा ये तोतले हैं, कह रहे हैं कमाकर खाओ।

____________

रामू की अम्मा मर गयी 1 आदमी रोते हुए बोला अम्मा मुझे भी साथ ले जाती..2-4 लोग और बोले अम्मा हमें भी साथ ले जाती।
रामू- सब चुप हो जाओ..अम्मा क्या टाटा सूमो करके गयी है।

___________

अध्यापक (चिंटू से)- बिजली कहां से आती है?
चिंटू (अध्यापक से)- मामा के घर से
अध्यापक- वो कैसे?
चिंटू- क्योंकि जब भी बिजली जाती है पापा कहते है सालों ने फिर काट दी!

Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit
pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.



$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it
was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.



$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS......


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$



Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ...
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.



$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.



$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

1. What is height of Fashion?

Dhoti with a zip

************ ********* ********* *********

2. What is height of Secrecy?

Offering blank visiting cards.

************ ********* ********* *********

3. What is height of Activelaziness?

Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

************ ********* ********* *********

4. What is height of Laziness?

Adopting a child.

************ ********* ********* *********

5. What is height of Craziness?

Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

************ ********* ********* *********

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you Saw Him / her Last.

************ ********* ********* *********

7. What is height of Stupidity?

A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

************ ********* ********* *********

8. What is height of Honesty?

A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

************ ********* ********* *********

9. What is height of Suicide?

A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

************ ********* ********* *********

10. What is height of De-hydration?

A cow giving milk powder.

टीचर (स्टुडेंट से ) :तुम्हारी जाति क्या है ?
असलम (स्टुडेंट) : पहले तो हम पंडित थे ,
फिर राजपूत हुए ,
फिर बनिया हो गए ,
अभी है दरजी ,
और आगे अम्मी की मर्ज़ी !

कस्टमर :- मेरी चाय में मक्खी डूब कर मरी पड़ी है !
ढाबा मालिक संता :- तो क्या करू , ढाबा चलाऊ या उन्हें तैरना सिखाऊ ? ?

Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Bunta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music

###########################################

Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."
Judge : "But why ?"
Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."
Judge : "How do you know ?"
Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

###########################################


From his death bed, Santa called his wife Jasmeet and said, "One month after I die
I want you to marry Banta."
Jasmeet : "Bunta ! But he is your enemy !"
Santa : "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

###########################################

Bunta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto
that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found
Preeto in another man's arms.
Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't
get the fax."

###########################################

Santa : "When we were first married, I would come home from the office,
Jasmeet would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run
around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings
the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
Bunta : "Why complain?, You're still getting the same service!"

###########################################

Preeto : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at
me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever
said anything bad about him?"

###########################################

Jasmeet drew Santa's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
Santa : "I would love to, "But I don't know her well enough...
may be you could introduce us..!

###########################################

Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children
and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Bunta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and
none of them dares to answer back.

###########################################

Jasmeet : My husband always comes home late, no matter how I try.
Preeto : "Take my advice, and do what I did.
Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning,
and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jaspal?"
And that cured him.
Jasmeet : "Cured him !... But how?"
Preeto : "You know, his name is Banta."

###########################################

Santa : "You looked troubled, what's your problem?"
Bunta : "I'm going to be a father."
Santa : "But that's wonderful,"
Bunta : "What's wonderful? My wife Preeto doesn't know about it yet.

###########################################

Jasmeet : If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Santa : That you are a lesbian.

###########################################

Bunta : "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
Santa : "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"

###########################################

Santa to Jasmeet on their wedding night- "
Santa : "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ?"
Jasmeet : "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"

###########################################

It was mealtime on Punjab Airline .
Air Hostess : "Would you like dinner?"
Bunta : "What are my choices?"
Air Hostess : "Yes or no,"

###########################################

Jasmeet : You always carry my photo in your wallet to the office. Why?
Santa : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Jasmeet : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Santa : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

###########################################

Santa : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

###########################################

Jasmeet : "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?"
Santa : looking at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of Humor.

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Santa went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
Guess why ?
because there it was written "Number Dial Karne Se Pehele Do Lagae"

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Santa was driving with girlfriend Preeto to Chandigarh.
He puts his hand on her lap.
She smiles and says, "You can go further dear..".
So, Santa drives to SHIMLA.

जसमीत कौर : "जज साहब , मैं अपने पति संता को तलाक देना चाहती हूँ !
जज : "लेकिन क्यों ?"
जसमीत कौर : "क्युकी वो मुझसे वफादार नहीं है !"
जज : "ये तुम कैसे जानती हो?"
जसमीत कौर : "जज साहब , एक भी बच्चे की शकल उससे नहीं मिलती है !"

टीचर : क्या सबसे ज्यादा महत्वपूर्ण है ? सूरज या चाँद ?
चतरभुज मीणा : मास्टर जी, चाँद !!
टीचर : वो क्यों ?
चतरभुज मीणा : चाँद हमें रात में रौशनी देता है जब हमें रौशनी की जरुरत होती है.. जबकि सूरज
हमें दिन में रौशनी देता है जब हमें रौशनी की जरुरत नहीं होती !

टीचर ( स्टुडेंट से ) : कल तुम स्कूल क्यूँ नहीं आये ?

स्टुडेंट : मास्टर जी ,हमारी भैंस ने बछड़ा दिया था !

टीचर : तो इसमें क्या बड़ी बात है ?

स्टुडेंट : बड़ी बात नहीं है तो तू देके दिखा ..???? हाहाहा