एक मछ्छर का बच्चा था ! माँ ने उससे कहा - बच्चा अब तुझे उड़ना आ गया है .. जा अब तू खुद बा खुद उड़ना शुरू कर दे समझा !

मछ्छर का वो बच्चा पहली बार स्वयं उड़ कर एक छोटा सा चक्कर लगा आया !

जब लौटा , सब बेसब्री से उसका इन्तेजार कर ही रहे थे ! सबने मिलकर पूछा : क्यों रे चिंटू , कैसी रही तेरी पहली उडान ?

बच्चा छाती फुला कर बोला - SUPERB.....मैं जहां जहां से गुजरा लोग तालियाँ ही बजाते रहे !

बेटा : पापा मेरी दूर की नज़र कमज़ोर हो गयी है मुझे एक चश्मा ला दो !
कंजूस बाप बेटे को बाहर ले कर आया और बोला : वो क्या है बेटा?
बेटा : सूरज !
बाप : और कितना दूर देखेगा कुत्ते

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that

2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% true

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity.. ....

The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-

1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3.Have a bad hair day

11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.

12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u

13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you.

Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69". She has a regular

boyfriend they

have never done it before.

One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic

dinner.



After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69".

But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69.

Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do

69.

she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him in

reverse direction so as in 69.

The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. so he does

as

the

GF tells him to do.



they lay down in this position for about 2 min. she is thinking

that He

will, by the time, get excited by this.

but suddenly the GF has to let go one Fart...directly on her BF's

face.

GF quickly apologizes and asks him to stay in that position for

some

more

time.



after 1 min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger

than



the

previous.

The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and

yells

at

her..





"If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.


"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough," commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."


"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that's awful!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"


The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground."

Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."

CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????

SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......

**********

santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??

"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"


Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think??????? ?

"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"

Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..

"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"

**********

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

**********

Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary.. .

Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .

**********

ekbar light gai hui thi.

SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..

BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??

**********

Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?

Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!

**********

Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?

Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?

Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

**********

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"

Banta : How do you know??

Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..

**********

Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.

Police : How the theif did not take TV???

Santa : I was watching TV na....

**********

Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

**********

When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

**********

Whats the height of Intelligence?

Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..

एक आदमी ने अपने घर फोन किया तो उधर से एक अनजान महिला की आवाज आई।
''कौन ?'' - आदमी ने पूछा।
''मैं घर की नौकरानी बोल रही हूं ।'' - महिला ने उत्तर दिया।
''लेकिन हमारे घर में तो कोई नौकरानी नहीं है।'' - आदमी ने कहा।
''मुझे घर की मालकिन ने आज सुबह ही नौकरी पर रखा है ।'' नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया।
''अच्छा ठीक है, सुनो। इस वक्त तुम्हारी मालकिन कहां हैं ? मुझे उनसे बात करनी है।'' - आदमी ने कहा ।
''वह तो बेडरूम में हैं। अपने पति के साथ।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया।
''क्याऽऽऽ... ? पति के साथ...... ? पर उसका पति तो मैं हूं ........ '' - आदमी गुस्से से भन्ना गया। उसने एक मिनट कुछ सोचा फिर बोला - ''हैलो ..... सुनो क्या तुम पचास हजार रूपये कमाना चाहोगी?''
''हां... । पर मुझे करना क्या होगा ?'' - नौकरानी ने पूछा ।
''तुम मेरी अलमारी से बंदूक निकालो और उस कुतिया और उसके साथ जो आदमी है उसे गोली से उड़ा दो।''
नौकरानी ने फोन नीचे रख दिया। आदमी ने पहले कदमों की और फिर दो गोलियां चलने की आवाज फोन पर सुनी।
नौकरानी ने वापस फोन उठाया और पूछा - ''अब इन लाशों का क्या करूं ?''
''उन्हें स्वीमिंग पूल में डाल दो।'' - आदमी ने कहा ।
''पर आपके घर में तो स्वीमिंग पूल नहीं है।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया।
लगभग तीन चार मिनट तक दोनों तरफ खामोशी छाई रही फिर आदमी की आवाज आई - ''क्या ये नम्बर 2234595 ही है ?''